Tedros begins hacking up a cocaine loogie, but is undeterred. TEDROS: That’s right: Artistry comes directly from the nipples. You said that good music comes from the nipples. TEDROS: No, the other thing -the really deep and meaningful advice I gave you that harnessed your musical talent and positioned me as an unlikely but undeniably talented producer and musical muse. IZAAK: That sexually gyrating is actually more important than vocals in almost every musical scenario.
Because what did I tell you about music when we first met inside your shower, Izaak? TEDROS: Yeah, that all sounds net positive. But ever since you recognized my talent while breaking-and-entering my home, I’ve been singing way more, giving near-constant lap dances, and serving way fewer baked potatoes. IZAAK (CONT’D): I mean, sure, I had my own apartment then, consistent access to Western medicine, and I was allowed to -nay, Texas Roadhouse insisted that I -wear a shirt. The Totally Unsexy, Unavoidable Questions You Have to Ask While Watching ‘The Idol’ Can ‘The Idol’ Actually Become a Great Pop Satire? I’d need someone to explain it to me in detail. TEDROS: I haven’t heard that children’s story. Ever since I was your waiter at that Texas Roadhouse in Reno, where you secretly followed me back to my apartment to listen to me sing in the shower, and then pounced out of the shadows to ask if I wanted to come live in your nightclub in L.A., my life has been one nonstop fairy tale -like the Brothers Grimm kind, where Little Red Riding Hood does a murder at the end, but a fairy tale nonetheless. IZAAK: Lookin’ good, feelin’ good, Tedros. But otherwise, how is everyone feeling about their musical development under my tutelage? TEDROS: So it seems like since we’ve gotten here, singing at the dozens of loosely scattered pianos is up, but sexual shock collar vocal training is way down -and that’s totally on me, y’all. TEDROS: Leia, get the fuck out, why are you even fucking here?! XANDER: Leia, I swear to God, if you don’t shut the fuck up. LEIA: Just wondering, should I take minutes for this cult meeting?ĮVERYONE (OVERLAPPING): Shut the fuck up, Leia! What it is we’re up to, how it is we met, why it is any of you do what I say, and what the hell is going on with Jocelyn not liking me anymore, even though I put on my best ninja headband this morning. So I thought we could take this moment while Joss is outside running calisthenics in her thong and garters to jam on, y’know, our goals as a music-and-sex-based cult. TEDROS (CONT’D): Anyway, since we moved into Jocelyn’s house, we haven’t really had time to discuss any cult business. Although I did totally forget that I own that nightclub.Įveryone “hmms,” internally considering that they used to sleep on the banquettes of a nightclub, and now they sleep on the pool chairs of a pop star. TEDROS: Yeah, for sure, it does seem like that. XANDER: It seems like it? Or maybe you just broke my human spirit with that shock collar, and that’s why we all follow you? Because everyone is more or less just one trip to PetSmart away from being a successful cult leader and club owner? There’s a lot of TV out there. We want to help: Every week, we’ll tell you the best and most urgent shows to stream so you can stay on top of the ever-expanding heap of Peak TV. But from context clues, it seems like we’ve made up, right?
TEDROS: Yeah, so I’ve gathered you all here for a family meeting because it’s been awhile since we caught up without the overwhelming sound of Xander’s screams from me torturing him for singing in the shower or whatever. He is sweaty, wearing a short silk robe not designed for his body type, and pounding shots that he toasts vaguely in the direction of no one. TEDROS stands in front of CHLOE, IZAAK, RAMSEY, MITCH, XANDER, LEIA, and assorted other creative geniuses. Read the cut scenes below:Įpisode 4, Scene 10 - Cult family meeting Or, wait, wasn’t it supposed to be six episodes? Do they even make television shows with only five episodes? In fact, they don’t, and we have proof: The Ringer has exclusively-and very, very seriously, we promise-acquired lost pages of The Idol’ s scripts that help explain the show’s rushed finale and, um, gaps in logic. The Idol, the “show of the summer,” according to cocreator Sam Levinson, is over after a controversial five-episode run.
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